Farming 101

As a city girl in college and a townie growing up, I’ve always been a fan of farming, but never actually a farm girl. I’d like to take this time to provide a guide to farming for myself, for when Chad Greenway and I runaway to his South Dakota farm. I realize I’m a newbie at this, so please comment and correct any additional steps I may miss.

Step 1: Acquire access to a sizable amount of land, preferably large enough to make a decent amount of money from the things that grow on the land. It helps if there are no trees or other large objects such as lakes or rivers over a large portion of the land. Winter or spring is a good time to do this.

Step 2: Purchase hefty equipment that will help you stir up the land enough to drop seeds easily into the land. This is why very little objects on the land is desirable, it’s best not to send your recently purchases equipment into water or head on at a tree.

 

Step 3: Decide what kind of seeds you would like to grow, whether that is beets, corn, soybeans, alfalfa, or other such plants appropriate to your climate, and purchase enough seeds for your land. I’m partial to corn, but my Chad is a soybean supporter, so this might cause some marital problems.

Step 4: Purchase yet another piece of hefty equipment that will help spread the seeds over your sizeable piece of land. It’s a good idea to do this in the spring when the ground has thawed, as to not ruin the new piece of equipment. You could opt for planting the seeds one-by-one, but let’s face it, would you rather walk bent-over for days on end? Or sit in a comfy chair and watch your assets (ha) grow?

Step 5: Wait and pray. This is a good time to have that lake or river I advised you earlier not to purchase when buying land. Nothing washes away the worries like a good swim. Some might put fertilizer on their plants, or detassle any corn, but that takes all the risk and fun out of it. Why go to Las Vegas for some gambling when you could just stay at home with your plants and avoid fertilizer?

 
 

Step 6: Assuming your waiting, praying, and swimming worked, fall should bring about harvest time. This means your plants are mature enough to make some bank off of them. Now it’s time for yes, another big piece of equipment. It’s time to take the plants out of the field and into a place that can make you some money!

Step 7: After harvesting all of your plants, take them to a co-op or other such organization to sell and make some money off of all your hard work!

Step 8: Repeat.

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